Keanu Reeves as Constantine, at the threshold of hell and earth.
Lately, I’ve been having feverish and vivid nightmares: for the past year or so I’ve had recurring dreams of demonic possession where high ranking demons invade and fight for power within the bodies of people I know. In the dreams, I am put in the position of the exorcist and forced to confront these impossible crucibles; it usually starts as tauntings (demons supposedly know your darkest secrets and fears to use against you), then they go into various disguises (in the last couple episodes the demons actually started speaking what I think is Enochian, which is rumored to be the language of the angels), and finally the visual imagery escalates to a disgusting body horror spectacle – the entities are basically eating the host body alive and I stand there impotent, paralyzed with fear as the people I know disintegrate into the void.
It's usually at this point when I have to scream myself awake, breaking through multiple nested dreams and layers of consciousness (something I’ve never had to do), and I’m left spending the rest of the night trying to separate reality “wake state" from my psyche and questioning whether everything is just an illusion (the Enochian speaking demons threw me off). The nightmares have become part horror movie, internal psychosis, daily political anxiety, apocalyptic visions of a fallen world, but most of all, I resent how Catholic these nightmares are – I went to Catholic school but clearly it means nothing to me, since I can’t even recite a prayer to save my life. I am only consoled by the fact that I am THE EXORCIST and not the possessed.
So now, fueled by these nightmares, I’m on an occult binge: learning about exorcisms and its origins (humans have probably been warding off evil spirits since they fell out of the trees), reading up on things like xenoglossy and demonology, and watching A LOT of Constantine, especially the Keanu Reeves ❤️one.